This week, instead of looking at things to do to build relationships, let's look at the things that can seriously damage relationships. These are the things NOT TO DO!
Undermining
Undermining occurs when people subtley or openly try to dig away at the core foundations of another person's character, intent, position or competency. It is a relationship breaker as it seeks to bring the other person down.
Backstabbing
One sure way to seriously damage or end a relationship is to "backstab". This term is quite vivid as it implies two concepts: "Stabbed", which indicates a serious, if not fatal attack on someone. The second concept, "In the back" shows that the attack comes from behind, indicating deceitfulness, surprise, unfairness and really gives the victim no real chance to defend or engage.
Deserting
"All for one and when it gets scary we'll run" is not the motto that the three musketeers were known by. They stuck together whatever they faced. Sadly, many people desert their friends or leaders when the going gets tough. They either jump ship or chose to bury their heads in the sand.
Gossiping
Let's be honest about it; there is something very exciting and captivating about hearing some juicy information on others.The problem with gossiping is that it often communicates information that is not correct, out of context and potentially damaging. Even if the information is correct, it usually betrays some confidence and weakens peoples' perception of the person being gossiped about. If you want to build strong relationships, don't gossip and try to shut gossipers down by indicating your disinterest or by challenging them to talk to the source.
Manipulating
One last relationship burner for today is manipulation. If you try to manipulate people to do your bidding or support you it will eventually backfire as most people resent it and don't like to be controlled or used.
Some things to think about
If you do these things then ask yourself, "why?" Is it negativity, jealousy or insecurity? How can you stop doing these relationship busters?
When you see these things happening in the workplace, what will you do about them? They are all negative and if unchecked will strain and break relationships. As a leader it is part of your role to deal with dysfunctional attitudes and behaviours in the workplace. Most people will really appreciate you taking a stand, but don't be surprised at some who will express themselves in doing all of the above to you.
Who in your team needs to see a yellow card?
take care
Steve
